The Words of Wheeland



Welcome to the Words of Wheeland, a website dedicated to all things Jeff Wheeland! (Wow, seeing that previous sentence typed out, it looks extraordinarily narcissistic. Luckily when I watched myself handsomely type it from multiple angles on my webcams it eased my concerns and soothed my ego.)

Anywho, this site is dedicated to updating my burgeoning career as a novelist. My first book, There’s More to Life than a Shitty Cubicle, is out on in paperback and digital copy (and for those hardy few who actually use iBooks, contact me and I can help you out). This novel has been a labor of love that started as a travel blog and morphed into a full-blown novel that can be utilized for various fun activities: reading; kindling a warm winter fire; bracing that uneven leg on your wobbly table; or putting a fussy toddler to sleep (by reading to them, you savage, not because it’s a weighty instrument for inducing unconsciousness).

I love to write. I love to tell stories. I love to make people laugh. If I can do all three of these things at once and have it be my career, then my life will be filled with mirth. But, following this path is difficult. My novel is self-published, which is a daunting and tricky process that relies greatly on wonderful people like you. I desperately want your feedback – good or bad – so I can understand if being a novelist is truly a career I should pursue or if I should revert to my original dream of being fired out of a cannon at circuses.

With that being said, here’s what you can do to help me with my dream:

  1. READ my book. You can buy it on Amazon in paperback or digital format.
  2. REVIEW my book. Regardless of whether you liked it or not, please leave a review on Amazon. The more reviews I get, the better placement it will get on Amazon.
  3. TELL people about this book. I need much, much, much more than my wonderful circle of friends and family to get this book off the ground. Word of mouth is one of the best ways that people discover new books. So please tell your friends, family, enemies, casual acquaintances, and random passersby about this book. (If the random passerby startles and instinctively pepper sprays you, my lawyer tells me I’m not liable).
  4. SHARE this on social media. Below are some sample posts you can cut and paste to share with your online networks.
  5. SIGN UP for my newsletter. I promise not to constantly bother you with updates about buying my book. Instead I will thoughtfully reach out to anyone who signs up with important updates (book reading events, information on new books, new and relevant posts on this website, guest writing posts I’ve done elsewhere, and most importantly, methods for defending yourself against random passersby trying to pepper spray you).

To help remember all the above things you can do to assist me and earn my undying gratitude, remember the easy acronym: RRTSSU. “Ertsu.” Hmm. Nevermind. You can just come back to this post if you have questions about steps 1 through 5.

I want to thank you for already being here, helping me to chase my dreams, and for any support you can give me in my journey. I truly hope you enjoy my novel. I find it pretty darn funny, but I’m somewhat biased.

Sample Social Media Posts to Share
Facebook posts: 

  • Looking for a hot, steamy novel to rekindle your sex life this winter? No? Excellent. You should instead pick up Jeff Wheeland’s hilarious new novel, There’s More to Life than a Shitty Cubicle.
  • Dislike gray-carpeted cubicles, annoying bosses, and boring staff meetings? Enjoy travel, adventure, parties, and general hilarity? Then my friend Jeff Wheeland’s new novel, There’s More to Life than a Shitty Cubicle, is for you! Check it out:
  • Just picked up a copy of @jeffwheeland‘s new novel about leaving behind a shitty cubicle to follow your dreams.
  • What do you get when you combine sexy Brazilian dance clubs, disgruntled water buffaloes, marijuana cookies, penguins, and an attempted kidnapping? You get @jeffwheeland‘s new novel, There’s More to Life than a Shitty Cubicle.